home > Pastor’s Desk > 2024 > March 8th > ADVICE WORTH MORE THAN GOLD OR A MOUNTAIN OF CASH ABOUT HOW TO USE REJECTION TO BECOME AN EVEN BETTER, WISER, STRONGER YOU!

For several reasons I am qualified to help people deal with acute and chronic pain. Some acute and chronic pain can be resolved medically. Some pains can go a long way to being resolved with the help of a psychologist. Some pains can be resolved with a hug from mum. But there is a pain that a doctor cannot cure, a psychologist cannot counsel, a mother’s hug cannot alleviate. It is a pain that goes deep – beyond the defences of our integumentary system, our neurological system (including our para-sympathetic nervous system), our muscular system, our skeletal system, our lymphatic system, our renal system, gastro-intestinal system, our respiratory system, our cardio-vascular system, our hormonal system, and our half-share of a reproductive system. It is a pain that wounds: our memory, our sense of self, our estimation of our worth, our confidence, and our ability to connect meaningfully with others (our ability to love and be loved). It is the pain of rejection. It not only effects who we are (our identity) but it also leaches symptomatically into each of these ten-and-a-half biological systems which every human being possesses. I am going to offer all those who have experienced the pain of rejection how they can be healed from its wound, and actually become stronger, wiser, more confident, as a result.

 

A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE

We have, or will, all experience rejection. Rejection is painful. But its pain ranges from slight to intense depending why we are being rejected and by whom. Sales-people are trained to process rejection. Not every potential customer will buy. Good sales-people understand this (great sales-people learn from this). If you are a Christian, you and your message will be rejected (Matt. 5:11; 10:14). Mature Christians understand this and learn from it. 

 

YOUR IDENTITY

Your identity does not come from those who reject you—and neither does it come from those who accept you! We are each created by God to belong to a community. This begins with our father and mother – biological family. It is this foundational connection with others that contributes to our identity. Sadly, not everyone is blessed with this kind of beginning. Yet, the truth still stands: Your identity does not come from those who reject you—neither does it come from those who accept youPerhaps it will take years of processing for some to understand to this. In the meantime such vulnerable people are susceptible to the lie that their identity is defined by who accepts them.

 

THE PROBLEM WITH YOU IS…

In preparing couples for marriage I spend a lot of time with them helping them both to understand how to argue.This involves certain rules including: Identify the issue as the problem, not the person as the problem. This rule also goes to the heart of how to deal with rejection: Don’t confuse rejection based on your lack of abilities with rejection of you. One of the most powerful examples of this is the story of José Hernandez. He suffered rejection after rejection after rejection. But each time, and with great help later on from his wife, he was able to understand that he wasn’t being rejected – but his limited abilities for the task were being rejected. He then made a list of each of the criticisms he received as to why he was being rejected by NASA for their astronaut program and set about to gain each of the skills that NASA said he didn’t have. It is one of the greatest examples I can think of that illustrates how to process rejection in a healthy way.

YOU CAN NOT APPEAL TO EVERYONE

You could be the nicest, most caring, most loving, most helpful person in the world, and still be rejected! Jesus was.

He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
He was despised, and we esteemed Him not.
Isaiah 53:3

And He began to teach them that the Son of Man must suffer many things
and be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes and be killed,
and after three days rise again.
Mark 8:31

One of the most injurious things you can do to yourself is to begin to define who you are by what those who reject – or accept – you, say you are. Follow Christ’s example instead. His identity, who He truly was, came from His heavenly Father – and so does ours!

 

PROCESSING REJECTION AS THE PATHWAY TO BECOMING A BETTER, MORE CONFIDENT, WISER, STRONGER, YOU

Here are five principles for processing rejection well:

{Read W. Somerset Maugham’s THE VERGER}

There is of course one overarching principle that must also be employed to process rejection properly: forgiveness. It is one of the main ministries of a pastor to help people to firstly receive forgiveness, then secondly to extend it to others. The words of Christ in Matthew 6  which come immediately after The Lord’s Prayer should startle every unforgiving Christian. Sometimes the pain of rejection hurts so much that we forget these sombre words of Christ and the eternal jeopardy they forewarn:

For if you forgive others their trespasses,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 
but if you do not forgive others their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15

This warning comes from Jesus who has experienced rejection like none other:

He came to His own people, and even they rejected Him.
John 1:11 NLT

May God grant you the grace that you need to process rejection, to offer forgiveness and thereby grow wiser, stronger, more confident and become a better you. 
Amen.

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

2 Comments

  1. Elizabeth Weller

    Thank you Pastor Andrew, I found this extremely helpful!

    Reply

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COMMISSIONED FOR A PURPOSE

Think about your life for a second. How important are you daily activities? What if I told you that God’s grand plan for the world isn’t just about some extraordinary few, but includes you, right where you are in the tediousness of every day life? You may have heard this sort of thing from an animated and passionate preacher: That the same God who set the stars in place has a purpose for your life that echoes into eternity… sure, that’ll preach, but what if it were actually true?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HONOUR SOMEONE’S LIFE’S WORK?

This is the question that’s been on my mind since I stepped into the role of Senior Pastor here at Legana Christian Church. I think we all know what it looks like to deface someone’s life’s work! Back in 2022, there were 38 “Art Attacks” staged by groups like Extinction Rebellion. They went into museums and threw food, paint, and sometimes even glued themselves to significant works of art. In the midst of it all, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thinking about how I should save the world. Rather, I couldn’t help but think: What had the artist done to deserve such disrespect? What did vandalising art have to do with fossil fuels, cutting down rainforests or large-scale mining? Maybe I missed the point, but this seemed more like childish, attention-grabbing tantrums than meaningful protests.

Looking Forward in Faith and Finishing Well

Have you ever had one of those moments when you just know something significant is about to happen? That feeling where everything in your life has been preparing you for this moment? That sense that, through all the trials and struggles, God has been at work preparing you for ‘such a time as this’? That’s exactly how Bec and I feel as we step into this new season here at Legana Christian Church. From the moment we—Bec, the kids (Nissi, Otto, Mila and Bijou) and I—arrived, I’ve felt so welcomed by the congregation’s warmth and encouragement. The last few years have been a whirlwind for us, but already we feel like part of the family. So, before I say anything else, I’d like to say thank you to the congregation for embracing us wholeheartedly. It really means the world to our family.

WHEN JESUS SPOKE, PEOPLE DID MORE THAN LISTEN

William L. Thompson was born in Ohio in 1847. He studied music as a young and was talented enough to be invited to study music in Germany. After some time in Germany, he returned to America and became a popular song-writer for famous performing artists. But Thompson also began to experience rejections from music publishers. During this difficult phase of his life he turned to Christ. He had begun reading through the Gospels with fresh zeal and discovered that the Jesus described in those Gospels was deeply caring, very tender especially with women and children and anyone who truly turned to Him. Even though he had started his own music publishing company and also a music store in Ohio, his focus and priorities had now changed.
In the 1870s there were many people in the America and the United Kingdom who were coming to Christ under the evangelistic ministry of Dwight L. Moody. Thompson was certainly aware of the great evangelist. He had moved from writing popular songs to writing hymns. He wrote a hymn that he felt was appropriate for the type of evangelistic meetings that Mr. Moody was conducted. He called it, an invitation hymn. It was designed to come after the sermon and led to what had become referred to as ‘the altar call’ where people were invited to receive Christ and become a Christian. The invitation hymn was called, Softly and Tenderly. When D.L. Moody first heard it he insisted that they begin using it in their revival meetings. In fact, it almost became known  as D.L. Moody song! As the aged Mr. Moody was confined to what would be his death-bed, he called for Mr. Thompson and told him: 

DUMB PRAYERS THAT I HAVE PRAYED AND GOD HAS ANSWERED OVER THE YEARS

Over the past nearly 29-years of pastoring Legana I have occasionally mentioned that one day I would write about “the dumb prayers that I’ve prayed.” It’s not really that they are all ‘dumb’ prayers, it’s that they are the kind of prayers that are guaranteed to be answered by God (because they are “surrendered” prayers) but have not been fully considered what God’s answer might entail. I do not consider the more well-known and obvious “dumb” prayers – such as praying for revival to bring in hundreds of lost/lonely/broken souls into the kingdom and then being surprised by God’s answer resulting in exhaustion, burn-out, over-stretched resources, spiritual attacks, and the inevitable pride. Neither do I consider the even more obvious “dumb” prayer for patience and humility and the resultant means (difficult people and obvious trials!) by which such a prayer can only be answered. Instead, I begin with a prayer I prayed as a teenager then others that I prayed down through the years which have led me to this unexpected point. What I hope, and pray, you might discover after you have read this is something which will might benefit you in your knowledge of God and how He often answers prayers.

COMPEL THEM TO COME HOME

Who is welcomed into your home especially if they are unexpected, unannounced and unknown? As Jesus travelled around Israel He often told a story which His disciples would have repeatedly heard. It was the story of a nobleman who was hosting a great banquet in his large home and had invited other nobles to be his guests. But one after another each made a weak excuse for not attending. The nobleman then told his servant to go and invite the outcasts to be his guests instead.

TRUST GOD, THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO

The Bible is the all-time best-selling book for good reason. It is a book like no other. If you have a problem, the answer is in there -if not directly, it shows where the answer is found: God. He is the most powerful being in the world. He is able to split the sea (Ex 14:22), make hungry lions oblivious to the ‘righteous food’ in front of them (Dan 6:22), stop a storm mid-track (Luke 8:24), win un-winnable battles (such as 1Kings 20:26-30), overfill previous bare fishing nets (Luke 5:5-6), permit pregnancy in (very) old age (Gen 21:2) or even without a man (Luke 1:34-35), and, heal the sick and make demons flee (Matt 4:24). These were all answers to difficult problems. Each is a remarkable and exciting story in itself, but the repetition of such extraordinary and powerful works shows it was never just a fluke or a mere coincidence. He is a powerful God-able to make the impossible possible.

WHAT DO YOU?

home > Pastor's Desk > 2024 > August 9th > What Do YouWhat do you want? What do you want to do? What do you hope to achieve? What do you long to buy? What do you wish for your community? What do you need to change? What do you aspire to learn? What do you...

Was Jesus Even A Christian

AS my pastoral ministry at Legana rapidly draws to an end it is my hope that I leave a deposit in your soul that encourages you to also Love God with all your mind as well. It is my contention that with the increasing screen addiction to social media — where viewing “memes” and watching “celebrity YouTubers” — is being confused for factual information with even believers susceptible to deception. I want to offer some ways to guard what might be being allowed into your heart.

HOW DID THEY UPSET MALACHI SO MUCH?

Over the past twenty-nine years of pastoring Legana, I have generally preached through biblical books verse-by-verse. These biblical books series have been interspersed with various shorter topical series (which is why it took me eight years to preach all the way through the Book of Jeremiah). As I now commence my last biblical book teaching series, through Malachi, I hope to leave a deposit in your souls about the value and authority of God’s Word and how we need to worshipfully approach it. While we all want to “cut to the chase” and “get to the point” when we approach God’s Word we must do so carefully. This takes time. “Time” is what most people complain they do not have. This is why I am doing so much background work on this often-neglected book so that you can take advantage of my time investment on your behalf. In this series so far, I have introduced the context of this book, discussed who Malachi was, explored where Malachi was, and examined who was Malachi’s immediate audience. I am now considering why Malachi was so profoundly upset and what we can learn from his passionate love for God and His Table.