home > Pastor’s Desk > 2022 > September 30th > 5 INDISPENSABLE GUIDELINES FOR NEW PARENTS

If you are not yet a parent and one day hope to become a parent, this is for you. Find a quiet place, take the next six minutes thirteen seconds and use the reading of this article as an investment into your future parenting strategies. I did not invent these guidelines. Like many parents who have also discovered the value of these guidelines, once discovered, they seem obvious. These successful parents probably grew up with own parents who inculcated these guidelines almost intuitively. However, my suspicion is that this is becoming increasingly rarer. As with all true guidelines they are adaptable, flexible, and are not a guarantee of parental success — but if ignored they become the point in the mathematical problem solving where you can see you made an error in your working out. In other words, while these guidelines may not guarantee success, if ignored their neglect almost certainly leads to frustration and disappointment. Here are five indispensable guidelines for every prospective new parent.

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6



Becoming a parent is a privilege not a right. Having and raising children is one of the primary goals for a couple when they get married. From the outset it is important to understand that children do not need parents – they need their father and mother. Any single parent will tell you that it is tough being a single parent. Every single parent has twice the responsibility and only have half the resources when compared to the ideal situation afforded by loving a husband and wife who together raise their child/ren. The partnership of a father and a mother in raising their children is an investment of their time often demanding a great sacrifice personal and even career ambitions. Reflecting on this one mother recently told me, “Sure being a mother is hard work but it is far more rewarding than being the winner of some tennis Grand Slam tournament!” Many young people set off on the journey of married life together expecting that they can start a family at the time of their choosing only to discover that this is not always the case — and even sadly, for some, may never be the case. So, if the Good LORD blesses you with a child in your own marriage journey, you are indeed blessed and privileged, even on those inevitable days when your child is ratty and snooty!  And it’s on those days that it’s going to be difficult for you to appreciate what I am now about to state: without the partnership of committed principle-guided fathers and mothers raising their children, our society does not have hope of seeing God’s will being done on earth as it is in heaven (Matt. 6:10).

Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the glory of children is their fathers.
Proverbs 17:6

Indispensable guideline #1 for new parents, Be consistent- children need routine!Indispensable guideline #1 for new parents, Be consistent – children need routine!

Consistent routines are essential for a child to feel secure. Children are set up to flourish when they up brought up in a secure environment. These routines provide predictability and boundaries. Routines such as bedtime preparation (putting toys away, bathing, pyjamas, and bedtime chats/stories/prayers), mealtime preparation (cleaning up whatever they were playing with, helping to set the table, clearing away dishes from the table, putting all the condiments back in the pantry, washing and drying the dishes), getting in the car preparations (make sure your bed is made, things removed from the bedroom floor and put back where they belong, towels returned to the bathroom and hang-up to dry, socks on shoes on, and depending on the occasion – bags packed).  Of course, mum and dad should model daily routines as they establish consistent bed times, meal times, get-up times, for their child.

Parents need to be appropriate and consistent with discipline and consequences. As your child gets older the appropriateness of the discipline will change – but your consistency should not and discipline should never be done in anger! 

¶ A refusal to correct is a refusal to love;
love your children by disciplining them.
Proverbs 13:24 THE MESSAGE

Indispensable guideline #2 for new parents, Have a dinner table - dinner time is not just about food!Indispensable guideline #2 for new parents, Have a Dinner Table – Dinner time is not just about food!

A family dinner table is the sacred meeting venue for a daily family rendezvous. It is the place for daily updates, pastoring by parents, training (where children learn the social skills of staying at the table until everyone else has finished their meal), learning to show thankfulness and appreciation even for unfamiliar food (a social skill necessary whenever dining at someone’s house overseas for example [note 1Cor. 10:27), and it is a place where a father can shepherd his child’s heart by asking questions requiring appropriate thought. The family dining table is the place where each one seated at it is accepted. It is at this sacred dining table where children witness their parents welcoming and accepting occasional guests (even the friends of their children). Jesus Christ often used a dining table as a place where He accepted people, and parents should seek to emulate this to their children.

¶ And as He reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and His disciples,
for there were many who followed Him.
Mark 2:15

Indispensable guideline #3 for new parents, Work as a United Team - Do not disagree in front of your children!Indispensable guideline #3 for new parents, Work As A Team – Do not disagree in front of your children!

Parents must agree about how they are going to parent their children and never never disagree with each other in front of their children about how they are to discipline their child’s misbehaviour. All children have a knack for exploiting divisions between their parents – so don’t give them any unnecessary opportunity to do so! I do not, however, want to be misunderstood though. I am not suggesting that your child/ren should never see his or her parents disagree. In fact, parents should model how to resolve disagreements in front of their child/ren. (Hopefully most married couples will remember from their marriage preparation sessions the difference between fighting and arguing.) This is why it is critical for new parents to not neglect their own relationship with each other. Your weekly date is critically important, and your regular quiet end-of-day couch time when your child/ren is/are in bed is similarly indispensable. The strength of any parent-child relationship is grounded in the strength of your marriage.

¶ I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you,
but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.
First Corinthians 1:10

Indispensable guideline #4 for new parents, Read Books to Your Child – Books enthral, enchant, excite, and educate a child like nothing else can!

Parents should introduce their child/ren to books from the earliest age because books will let them know that they are not the centre of this world. From picture books with just one or two words on each page, and then progressively to books with more words on each page than pictures, then, as your child grows to understand the power of words which convey concepts, books that are just words. Books are a divinely ordained means by which ideas can be communicated as evidenced by the Bible itself and its encouragement to learn from books as seen in the examples of the apostles who often cited and referred to non-Biblical books (note Acts 17:28 and  2Tim. 4:13). Parents should familiarise their children with as many of the world’s great books as they can (refer to Mortimer J. Adler’s list of Great Books). The act of reading a physical book to your child sends a profound message. Books are then seen as a source of information, entertainment, education, and inspiration for your child/ren. Reading good and appropriate books to your child sets him or her up to learn how to learn and concentrate.  

Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
and the one who understands obtain guidance
Proverbs 1:5

Indispensable guideline #5 for new parents, Commit to Your Church - Show your child why God is great!Indispensable guideline #5 for new parents, Commit to Your Church – Show your child why God is great!

Children need to learn that they are members of two families – their natural family and their spiritual-community (church) family. Parents should make a commitment to making attending church with their children as one of their highest priorities. When children watch their parents make attending church one of the most important parts of their week, they come to see that God must be great, very great. Even when they are young and it may mean that either parent has to sit with or nurse their child at the expense of their own worship experience, it sends a tremendously powerful and fruitful message to their children. Enrolling them into Kids Church when they are old enough and then having them join the church’s youth group when they commence High School, will pay enormous dividends both socially and spiritually. Being a part of a church community is something every parent should teach their children from birth so that they have the best opportunity to come to know Christ from the earliest age.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:4-5

Parenting is a great blessing. Kim and I have been blessed by the Lord giving us four grown children (with just one left at home). I strongly encourage every prospective parent to plan now on how they can learn to be the best father of mother they can be. The result could potentially be the transformation of our culture.

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
You shall teach them diligently to your children,
and shall talk of them when you sit in your house,
and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down,
and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Your Pastor,


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The One who spoke the world into existence entered materially into His World and “split time in half”. He came to rescue the world because a great betrayal occurred. One of His chief agents was filled with self-deception and conceited envy and manipulated a serpent to his bidding in destroying the very last and highest of the Lord’s “very good” creation. Disappointingly she fell for it – and her husband who supposed to protect her failed in his most basic of responsibilities. Their fall from innocence and into grace plunged that was momentarily and formerly under their vice-regency. The world had now gone rogue. When the Eternal Son of God submitted to His co-LORD, the Holy Spirit placed Him into a virgin’s womb by uniting his consciousness and sinless essence with the ovum of this young virgin. In doing so, Immanuel relinquished none of His sovereign power or prerogatives but chose to lay aside His glory and become fully human. And for those who came to recognise who He actually was, it ever caused them to fall down at His feet in adoration, or shrink back from Him in terror. The side-effect of those who who adored him was a new ability to sleep. If you have trouble sleeping because of worries, you too can discover how an acquaintance with the Lordship of Jesus the Christ can also help you to sleep better. 


Today, “Jesus Christ is Lord” sounds like a bumper sticker or part of an ancient church liturgy but when Christianity was founded if someone uttered these words it could literally mean death! ’o christos ’o kurios “Christ is Lord” was a risky thing to declare when the only safe thing to declare was ’o kaiser ’o kurios “Caesar is Lord”! Yet it was upon these words that the earliest confession of the Church was founded. For the early Christians, this was not a glib, throw-away line uttered during a church service or something stuck on the backside of your donkey (or chariot if you were wealthy).  


I really dislike the expression ‘moving forward’. So many people say, ‘moving forward’ from the meeting, the experience, the…. whatever! Has anyone stopped to think that time continues. We can’t go back. Even if we are reflecting, or for that matter mulling, we are in the continuum of time, and unless we have a mythical time machine, we just can’t go backwards in time. Our only option is to ‘move forward’.


I have long said that my primary role as a shepherd-pastor is to help people to die well. To do this, as I have often said, requires that we learn how to live life well. Of all the normally uncomfortable subjects that Christians find it difficult to talk about, death should not be one of them. But it is. This is because, of all the world religions, only Christianity has a positive view of death. After all, we have a divine Saviour who confronted and conquered death. As a result the original apostles mocked death.
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
¶ The sting of death is sin,
and the power of sin is the law.”
(First Corinthians 15:55-56)
These apostles refused to be intimidated by death which was ultimately evidenced by their martyrdoms. The apostle Paul could look forward to his death with the obvious lament that he would no longer be available to help those he had led to the Lord (Phil. 1:23-25). But he could face his impending death with the assurance that it would mean that he would immediately be in the presence of his Lord — and so should we! And like Paul, we too should be be able to talk about death in a very different way to those who do not know what we know.


A suburban home in Australia is shrinking in land size even though the average house size is headed in the opposite direction. What hasn’t changed is fencing around the block of land in order to separate it from a neighbour’s property. Broken fences, overgrown hedges and pets jumping fences are a known source of conflicts. We value our privacy. Those fences are boundaries. To go over them without permission will be trespassing. Renting, owning or owned outright – our home is our safe haven. When we chat with neighbours across the fence, there is a sense of security that comes with standing on our own patch of land. A little piece of Australia over which we have custody, albeit temporal.


Each of these uncomfortable topics in this brief series of articles are uncomfortable because there they carry a sense of embarrassment or even shame attached to them. But this particular topic also carries a good deal of pain associated with it – in addition to any feelings of embarrassment or shame. This pain may involve a sense of failure, betrayal, rejection, and humiliation. Divorce rarely effects just the two people involved in ending a marriage. Divorce can scar people like little else can. It can scar socially, financially, emotionally, relationally, and even a person’s physical health – and sometimes do so permanently.


All of us feel sad at some point – even people who are usually happy most of the time. Usually though for most people there will be some understandable reason for it. This might include the loss of a loved one, a certain disappointment, an accident, or sympathy for someone. This kind of sadness is temporary. But there is a kindness of sadness that lingers which leaves a person drained, teary, thinking dark thoughts, and feeling desperately lonely. This is usually when we consider someone is experiencing ‘depression’ and it is one of those things that Christians find difficult to admit to or even talk about.


There are some things that Christians can’t and don’t talk about – but probably should. So, I would like to pastorally share some thoughts about this taboo topic of doubt in what will be part 1 in this short series of pastor’s desk articles of four taboo topics that Christians can’t talk about.


Resilience was one of the predominant character traits of the early Christians. They called it being steadfast. For these early Christians being ‘resilient’ meant being able to keep going despite set backs, discouragements, betrayals, unforeseen circumstances, lack of energy, motivation, and resources. Like a weary hiker looking down a long road that leads to the mountain range they must walk over, being resilient in life means putting one foot in front of the other, and then doing it again, and again, and again, and so on. God knows that today, in what many are describing as “Post-Christendom” (and the resilient among us prefer to think of as Pre-Christendom) to be resilient is to live with a purpose, to stay focused, to live for others, and to strive toward a good, honourable, goal. With so many reasons to lose sight of the true purpose of life the tendency is to be tricked into believing that life right now is too hard. But the truth be told – people need to know how to be more resilient. Leaders especially need to be resilient right now. Churches assuredly need to be resilient at this time. With the recent interference into churches by government through the measures they said was “to keep people safe” — it has actually depleted people’s ability and willingness to be resilient! Here’s what leaders, people, and churches can do about it.


home > Pastor's Desk > 2023 > July 21st > COME ON IN AND JOIN USSome people think of ‘church’ as a place of religious rituals. To them it a place where sermons are preached, hymns are sung, weddings are conducted, funerals formalised, and babies are...