home > Pastor’s Desk > 2017 > March 4th > How To Be a Better Lover

HOW TO BE A BETTER LOVER

One of the most curious things about the greatest lover of all time, is that there is no record of him ever saying the words, I love you. In fact, it’s beyond curious. In reality, it’s not even startling: it’s amazing that He didn’t need to!

There can be no doubt that Jesus loved people. Even His enemies knew Him to be a person of love for others.

¶ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.
John 11:5

So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
John 11:36

Dr Gary Chapman wrote a best-selling book a few years called, The 5 Love Languages. Perhaps the reason it sold so well was that we all really want to know how to love those we care about. Dr. Chapman identified 5 general ways that people like to show and receive love. He asserted that sometimes our actions are misunderstood or unappreciated because we may not have realised that someone was showing us love in a “language” because they were using a love-language we were not familiar with. Conversely, sometimes we attempt to show love to someone without appreciating that this person needed to have it expressed in a way they felt loved. For example, Dr. Chapman identified words of affirmation as some people’s primary love language. Thus, when a person whose primary love language was quality time spent the day with that person, they were surprised that the other person felt smothered and that the person spending time with them hadn’t been considerate of their dire lack of time. 

Learning someone’s primary love language takes time and testing.

Somehow, Jesus just seemed to demonstrate love perfectly to everyone. He dispensed all of Dr Chapman’s five love language prodigiously. He served others. He gave gifts to others. He spoke words of affirmation to others. He spent quality time with others. And He appropriately used affection as He touched people.

Christ also demonstrated the fruit of love to others – forgiveness and acceptance. This was seen by how spoke of and to those who despised Him. While railing against the hypocritical Scribes and Pharisees, Jesus loved them. Many of them were deeply touched by this love. One of them, Nicodemus, even sought out a private meeting with The Christ and received one of the greatest acts of love any teacher could receive when Jesus gave him what has become the most famous verse in the Bible. Another member of the Sanhedrin, Joseph of Arimathea, declared his appreciation for The Christ who had shown him such great love, by offering over his tomb for the body of Jesus to be laid there. Even though we read of Christ railing against the Scribes and Pharisees in Matthew 23, His tone, His manner and His motive, were loving.

¶ “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.
Matthew 23:13

In laying the foundation for His Church, Christ gave just one commandment for how His followers were to treat each other: love one another!

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
John 13:24-25

The kind of love which Christ conveyed to people was so foreign, incomprehensible, and unheard of, that when the Apostle Paul wrote some twenty years later to the licentious Corinthians about their confusion of love with sexuality and grace with unconditional forgiveness he was directed by the Holy Spirit to spell out in some detail exactly what this kind of love was.

¶ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
First Corinthians 13:4-7

And when he expounded to the Romans what the Gospel was and then its implications, he spelled out that once a believer had surrendered their life Christ (Rom. 12:1) there were to-

¶ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:9-10

He then went on to tell the Romans, and thereby tell you and me, that this looks like-

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
¶ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
|Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:13-21

If you want to be a better lover, take note of Dr. Chapman’s advice on speaking the right language, but particularly take note of how Christ loved, then consider Paul’s detailed description of loving imperatives, and by heeding each of these, you will be a better lover.

Amen.

Your Pastor,

Andrew

Let me know what you think below in the comment section and feel free to share this someone who might benefit from this Pastor’s Desk.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

COMMISSIONED FOR A PURPOSE

Think about your life for a second. How important are you daily activities? What if I told you that God’s grand plan for the world isn’t just about some extraordinary few, but includes you, right where you are in the tediousness of every day life? You may have heard this sort of thing from an animated and passionate preacher: That the same God who set the stars in place has a purpose for your life that echoes into eternity… sure, that’ll preach, but what if it were actually true?

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO HONOUR SOMEONE’S LIFE’S WORK?

This is the question that’s been on my mind since I stepped into the role of Senior Pastor here at Legana Christian Church. I think we all know what it looks like to deface someone’s life’s work! Back in 2022, there were 38 “Art Attacks” staged by groups like Extinction Rebellion. They went into museums and threw food, paint, and sometimes even glued themselves to significant works of art. In the midst of it all, I’ll be honest, I wasn’t thinking about how I should save the world. Rather, I couldn’t help but think: What had the artist done to deserve such disrespect? What did vandalising art have to do with fossil fuels, cutting down rainforests or large-scale mining? Maybe I missed the point, but this seemed more like childish, attention-grabbing tantrums than meaningful protests.

Looking Forward in Faith and Finishing Well

Have you ever had one of those moments when you just know something significant is about to happen? That feeling where everything in your life has been preparing you for this moment? That sense that, through all the trials and struggles, God has been at work preparing you for ‘such a time as this’? That’s exactly how Bec and I feel as we step into this new season here at Legana Christian Church. From the moment we—Bec, the kids (Nissi, Otto, Mila and Bijou) and I—arrived, I’ve felt so welcomed by the congregation’s warmth and encouragement. The last few years have been a whirlwind for us, but already we feel like part of the family. So, before I say anything else, I’d like to say thank you to the congregation for embracing us wholeheartedly. It really means the world to our family.

WHEN JESUS SPOKE, PEOPLE DID MORE THAN LISTEN

William L. Thompson was born in Ohio in 1847. He studied music as a young and was talented enough to be invited to study music in Germany. After some time in Germany, he returned to America and became a popular song-writer for famous performing artists. But Thompson also began to experience rejections from music publishers. During this difficult phase of his life he turned to Christ. He had begun reading through the Gospels with fresh zeal and discovered that the Jesus described in those Gospels was deeply caring, very tender especially with women and children and anyone who truly turned to Him. Even though he had started his own music publishing company and also a music store in Ohio, his focus and priorities had now changed.
In the 1870s there were many people in the America and the United Kingdom who were coming to Christ under the evangelistic ministry of Dwight L. Moody. Thompson was certainly aware of the great evangelist. He had moved from writing popular songs to writing hymns. He wrote a hymn that he felt was appropriate for the type of evangelistic meetings that Mr. Moody was conducted. He called it, an invitation hymn. It was designed to come after the sermon and led to what had become referred to as ‘the altar call’ where people were invited to receive Christ and become a Christian. The invitation hymn was called, Softly and Tenderly. When D.L. Moody first heard it he insisted that they begin using it in their revival meetings. In fact, it almost became known  as D.L. Moody song! As the aged Mr. Moody was confined to what would be his death-bed, he called for Mr. Thompson and told him: 

DUMB PRAYERS THAT I HAVE PRAYED AND GOD HAS ANSWERED OVER THE YEARS

Over the past nearly 29-years of pastoring Legana I have occasionally mentioned that one day I would write about “the dumb prayers that I’ve prayed.” It’s not really that they are all ‘dumb’ prayers, it’s that they are the kind of prayers that are guaranteed to be answered by God (because they are “surrendered” prayers) but have not been fully considered what God’s answer might entail. I do not consider the more well-known and obvious “dumb” prayers – such as praying for revival to bring in hundreds of lost/lonely/broken souls into the kingdom and then being surprised by God’s answer resulting in exhaustion, burn-out, over-stretched resources, spiritual attacks, and the inevitable pride. Neither do I consider the even more obvious “dumb” prayer for patience and humility and the resultant means (difficult people and obvious trials!) by which such a prayer can only be answered. Instead, I begin with a prayer I prayed as a teenager then others that I prayed down through the years which have led me to this unexpected point. What I hope, and pray, you might discover after you have read this is something which will might benefit you in your knowledge of God and how He often answers prayers.

COMPEL THEM TO COME HOME

Who is welcomed into your home especially if they are unexpected, unannounced and unknown? As Jesus travelled around Israel He often told a story which His disciples would have repeatedly heard. It was the story of a nobleman who was hosting a great banquet in his large home and had invited other nobles to be his guests. But one after another each made a weak excuse for not attending. The nobleman then told his servant to go and invite the outcasts to be his guests instead.

TRUST GOD, THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO

The Bible is the all-time best-selling book for good reason. It is a book like no other. If you have a problem, the answer is in there -if not directly, it shows where the answer is found: God. He is the most powerful being in the world. He is able to split the sea (Ex 14:22), make hungry lions oblivious to the ‘righteous food’ in front of them (Dan 6:22), stop a storm mid-track (Luke 8:24), win un-winnable battles (such as 1Kings 20:26-30), overfill previous bare fishing nets (Luke 5:5-6), permit pregnancy in (very) old age (Gen 21:2) or even without a man (Luke 1:34-35), and, heal the sick and make demons flee (Matt 4:24). These were all answers to difficult problems. Each is a remarkable and exciting story in itself, but the repetition of such extraordinary and powerful works shows it was never just a fluke or a mere coincidence. He is a powerful God-able to make the impossible possible.

WHAT DO YOU?

home > Pastor's Desk > 2024 > August 9th > What Do YouWhat do you want? What do you want to do? What do you hope to achieve? What do you long to buy? What do you wish for your community? What do you need to change? What do you aspire to learn? What do you...

Was Jesus Even A Christian

AS my pastoral ministry at Legana rapidly draws to an end it is my hope that I leave a deposit in your soul that encourages you to also Love God with all your mind as well. It is my contention that with the increasing screen addiction to social media — where viewing “memes” and watching “celebrity YouTubers” — is being confused for factual information with even believers susceptible to deception. I want to offer some ways to guard what might be being allowed into your heart.

HOW DID THEY UPSET MALACHI SO MUCH?

Over the past twenty-nine years of pastoring Legana, I have generally preached through biblical books verse-by-verse. These biblical books series have been interspersed with various shorter topical series (which is why it took me eight years to preach all the way through the Book of Jeremiah). As I now commence my last biblical book teaching series, through Malachi, I hope to leave a deposit in your souls about the value and authority of God’s Word and how we need to worshipfully approach it. While we all want to “cut to the chase” and “get to the point” when we approach God’s Word we must do so carefully. This takes time. “Time” is what most people complain they do not have. This is why I am doing so much background work on this often-neglected book so that you can take advantage of my time investment on your behalf. In this series so far, I have introduced the context of this book, discussed who Malachi was, explored where Malachi was, and examined who was Malachi’s immediate audience. I am now considering why Malachi was so profoundly upset and what we can learn from his passionate love for God and His Table.