home > Pastor’s Desk > 2016 > April 23rd> For Better or Worse

Pastoral Advice For Those Who Feel Out Of Control

Parents swear, and children suffer tooLife often presents us with circumstances where we feel like we are no longer in control. In these moments we tend to look for whatever we know we can control. This is why a husband will lash out at his somewhat compliant wife (and why some men would only marry a woman they knew they could intimidate). It is why a big sister, who is struggling to control her world in which her “friends” are so mean to her, will belittle her little sister at home. It’s why a boss who can’t control the economy will demean a junior employee in front of the other staff. And it’s why a boy who feels deprived of his father’s affirmation will become a bully in the schoolyard. Apart from these relational controls we have all found great comfort in at least controlling what we eat or drink. Thus, a teenage girl will stop eating – because at least she can control that. A too-long-single person, overwhelmed by loneliness, which they interpret as rejection, will eat to excess in an attempt to control something. For those who might identify with any of these examples I have two pieces of pastoral advice.

About Control

Couple-Reconcile

A couple can find themselves in conflict and not know how to deal with it

Powerlessness is a horrible feeling.On the other hand the ‘power’ that comes from knowing what’s happening, what’s about to happen and how to make it happen, can be deeply fulfilling. We were designed to control – but only up to a point. It seems to me that Satan’s original temptation of Adam and Eve had a lot to do with an impossible promise that they could control more.

¶ But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
Genesis 3:4-5

 
 

The appalling tragedy of this temptation is not only how false it was, but how much less it was of what Adam and Eve already enjoyed! Satan was offering Adam and Eve the power to become “like God” – but Adam and Eve were already “like God” because the were created in the image of God!

Before mankind fell into sin, God had given them control over their choices, control over their environment (Eden), control over their time, control over Satan, and control over the temptation to sin. Even after sin entered into the human race when Adam and Eve sinned, God told mankind that they had the power to resist temptation and choose not to sin.

“If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”
Genesis 4:7

But there were some things that mankind was never designed to control – even in the perfect world prior to mankind sinning – apart from the weather, it also included other people (with the exception of parents exercising ‘control’ over their infant children).

What Can We Control?

In a world filled with people corrupted by sin, there is now much we cannot control which is painfully highlighted every time there is a terrorist attack. To some extent, we also have limited control over our health – especially considering injuries inflicted upon us by others and illnesses due to industrial negligence.

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope.
Romans 8:20

Despite the things we cannot control, we have the privilege of controlling our –

  • attitude
  • generosity
  • thoughts
  • prayers
  • time
  • diet
  • choices
  • relational transparency
 

These aspects within our control are important to appreciate for developing our relationship with God, and others. While relationships necessarily bring stress, conflict, disagreements, and grief, they are also the means of our most greatest and fondest joys and therefore our deepest fulfilment. We were created by God to be in relationships. This begins with our relationship with God, then with our soul-mate, then our biological family, then the family of God (Eph. 2:19), then those we interact with to lesser extents. But because relationships at each level brings commensurate stress, conflict, disagreements, and grief, they can leave us wondering how we navigate through them. This is when we take advantage of our God-given ability to control what we can. Let me explain:

AppleMarkThere will be times in life when we will not know what to do in the midst of these relationship tensions. This is when we may not know what the best thing to do is – but we should at least know what the better thing to do is by determining what would make things worse. A husband loses his cool at his wife one time too many and now his wife won’t talk to him. He may not know what the best thing to do is, but using the better-worse principle he should know what would make the situation worse (such as, continue to lose his cool at his wife, or, refuse to apologise to his wife). This is my first piece of pastoral advice.

¶ If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
James 1:5

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Colossians 3:19

When Things Seem Out Of Control

And Micaiah said, “Therefore hear the word of the LORD: I saw the LORD sitting on his throne, and all the host of heaven standing on his right hand and on his left.”
Second Chronicles 18:18

¶  God reigns over the nations;
God sits on his holy throne.
Psalm 47:8

God is seated upon The Throne. He’s not on the edge of His throne. He’s not standing up from His throne. He’s seated on His throne. He reigns! This is why we declare that God is in control! Another way of saying this involves the word: sovereignty.

looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

A Sovereign is ‘a supreme ruler’ such as a monarch or emperor. Thus, when we talk about the ‘sovereignty of God’ we mean that God is ultimately in control. Just as any monarch does not ‘control’ every decision and action of their subjects, so the Lord doesn’t ‘control’ our every decision, choice, or action. Yet, and here is where the comparison with an earthly sovereign breaks down, the Lord is still able to direct, lead, guide, influence, or intervene in every decision, choice, or action of people and the rest of creation.

The lot is cast into the lap,
but it’s every decision is from the LORD.
Proverbs 16:33

Acknowledging this calls for trust from His subjects. Whether we are experiencing comfort, ease, plenty, or illness, distress, and lack – we know assuredly that our Lord is in control, and that He is always good! This kind of trust in God leads to contentment and peace.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.
Philippians 4:11-12

It’s easy to write about, preach, and teach, but trusting God in the midst of illness, distress, and lack is a little more difficult. I faced this six months ago when I collapsed with a severe jolt of nerve pain down my spine and was unable to walk for 5 days. After a CT scan my doctor told me to brace myself for a bleak diagnosis and booked me in to see a specialist. During this time I was confronted with the real possibility of living with severely restricted movement for the rest of my life – or worse.

Although I didn’t understand what was happening at the time and I certainly didn’t know what my future held, I had by this stage of my Christian walk grown to trust God despite my circumstances. As I was to discover, much of my now degradative spine was the result of a motorcycle accident I endured some twenty-five years earlier (which at the time saw me immobile for two months). My confidence in God’s goodness despite my adversities is grounded in Scripture and experience. And this leads me to my second and closing piece of pastor advice when life is not better, but is worse: despite how you feel or what you’re going through, worship God and resist the temptation to withdraw from regular worship.

We are designed and created for relationships and to worship God. In both of these we find our deepest joy and fulfilment – even in times of worse.

¶ I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Romans 12:1

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.
Hebrews 12:28

Your Pastor,

Andrew

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HE WAS A KIND AND CHARITABLE MAN

home > Pastor's Desk > 2024 > March 22ndr > He was a kind and charitable man.WHO WAS KENNETH TYNAN? You’ve probably never heard of Kenneth Tynan. I hadn’t. I was introduced to him while conducting some research for my current PhD program on C.S. Lewis. In...

FROM LITTLE THINGS

The first time I heard the song “From Little Things, Big Things Grow” was in early 2008. I was trying to get my head around superannuation funds. I never knew of its writers – Paul Kelly and Carmody. Neither did I know it was originally a protest song. In my opinion, the original lyrics and melody bears no semblance to what we may consider protest today. Many will agree with me that it is now synonymous with Industry Super Funds. But its principles remain true in nearly every aspect of life.

ADVICE WORTH MORE THAN GOLD OR A MOUNTAIN OF CASH ABOUT HOW TO USE REJECTION TO BECOME AN EVEN BETTER, WISER, STRONGER YOU!

For several reasons I am qualified to help people deal with acute and chronic pain. Some acute and chronic pain can be resolved medically. Some pains can go a long way to being resolved with the help of a psychologist. Some pains can be resolved with a hug from mum. But there is a pain that a doctor cannot cure, a psychologist cannot counsel, a mother’s hug cannot alleviate. It is a pain that goes deep – beyond the defences of our integumentary system, our neurological system (including our para-sympathetic nervous system), our muscular system, our skeletal system, our lymphatic system, our renal system, gastro-intestinal system, our respiratory system, our cardio-vascular system, our hormonal system, and our half-share of a reproductive system. It is a pain that wounds: our memory, our sense of self, our estimation of our worth, our confidence, and our ability to connect meaningfully with others (our ability to love and be loved). It is the pain of rejection. It not only effects who we are (our identity) but it also leaches symptomatically into each of these ten-and-a-half biological systems which every human being possesses. I am going to offer all those who have experienced the pain of rejection how they can be healed from its wound, and actually become stronger, wiser, more confident, as a result.

THE MYTHICAL PATHWAY TO HAPPINESS

I’ve accidentally found myself enrolled in a Ph.D. program. I kind of blame Associate Professor Stuart Piggin for this. A few years ago I was having some serious discussions with him about doing a Ph.D. in Historical Theology at Macquarie University focusing on the contribution of Dr. F.W. Boreham. But I found myself unable at that time to proceed. In my discussions with him about my health prognosis and what I wanted to be able to do in the remaining time that I have left, he suggested focusing instead on Philosophical-Theology and enquiring with Monash University. I took his sage advice and did as he said. This week, I formally commenced with Monash as a part-time extension (distance) student. The result is that after my first zoom meeting with my supervisor I am now having to delve into an arena that requires me to be able to convince a critical secular audience that my proposal about the Bible’s truth claims are reasonable. Oddly, in order to do this, I have to explain in some depth what C.S. Lewis meant by the word, myth. And to do this I have to draw even deeper on the writings of a now dead French philosopher who is regarded as the greatest exponent of what a myth is! Therefore, I am going to tell you something quite shocking. It might be advisable for you to go and get a strong cup of tea, then return to this screen, and read on while sipping your tea, to absorb some of what I am going to tell you. 

Follow Me AS I FOLLOW JESUS

We all walk a path in life that is set before us. We start with very little experience and knowledge about the purpose of our life and the world beyond us. All of humanity experiences joy, wisdom, strength, weakness, suffering and hardship, especially those who are “contending for the faith”. Knowing Jesus is a very special part of this life journey.

A CERTAIN GOD

We can be reasonably certain about many things. In fact, without this certainty about life, none of us could function. We can be certain that tonight the sun will ‘set’. Tomorrow the sun will ‘rise’. After the February 28th it will be February 29th. This year there will be international unrest and much political instability in many parts of the world. In the coming months global warming will be identified by politicians as the source of floods and wildfires. Several high profile international celebrities will die this year. Archaeologists will make a discovery that will require some aspects of history to be rewritten. And you will certainly have one of the most memorable moments in your life in the coming days. You see, there are clearly some things we can be quite certain about. However, there are some aspects about our future that we cannot be certain about, yet in those moments we can be certain about what we should do.

LOW COST LIVING

Turn on any TV or radio news lately and there’s bound to be a story about the current “cost of living crisis”. We all feel it. Initially most people accepted the widespread price-rises were caused by 2020-21 pandemic lockdowns. But whatever the reasons for the rapid price hikes over the past two years, every time we go to the supermarket we feel it again. While governments are striving to curb the impact of this cost of living crisis, there remains a way to enjoy low cost living. The key to this is recognising that the most valuable things in life are literally priceless. The path to enjoying low-cost living is to be found in Christ, and what He taught — and it begins with treasure.

How To Know Jesus Better

It’s a scary thought to realise that the Jesus we have been told about and worship may not really be known to us at all. We can ‘know’ about someone or something, but not really know them. In Christian circles it’s often referred to as head knowledge not heart knowledge.

Knowing Christ Better

As a church, this year’s theme is coming closer to Christ by getting to know Him better. I feel that I am “the least qualified person” to tell anyone how this is done — but someone else has already claimed this distinction – the apostle Paul. After decades of hearing directly from Christ, seeing extraordinary miracles, being taken to heaven temporarily, planting churches across the Roman Empire, he could still say I would give anything to really know Christ – even if it meant suffering like He did! (Phil. 3:7-10). Therefore, I could say: If you do this or that, you will then know Christ better – but in my view, it’s not as easy as that! How we develop our relationship with Christ is shaped by several factors including our personality, our life experiences, our physical health and fitness, and our relationships with others (especially our parents and particularly our father). In fact, I believe that there is a relationship between how we have learned to build relationships with others (and notably how we have learned to relate to those who are closest to us) and how we then proceed to have a relationship with God. Even though I have expressed my lack of qualifications in telling anyone how to have a closer relationship with Christ, I still can, like one hungry beggar to another hungry beggar, offer you a few of the morsels of food that I’ve been able to find.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE AMAZING BUTS

I know of several people with amazing buts. There’s Jo’, Mo’, Sam, Esther, Jerry, and others. Each of these people were gifted by God with an amazing but that changed there life and the course of human history. Sometimes these gifts came with a …then, or …God, or …the LORD. When it comes to the size of things, a but is a relatively small thing (in Greek it can be just two letters: de) but it can have huge implications and enormously great blessings for multitudes. I hope to show you how this was the case with each of the people I have chosen as samples, and then show you how God is your God of buts.