Chapter 31
MARRIAGE
At this point in time our society has a corrupted view of marriage. Curriously though, most societies still have more and more people getting married. On the one hand, marriage has been treated as a take-it-or-leave-it /one-day-at-a-time option, and on the other hand some don't even bother with it. Some see it as "the right thing to do", others wouldn't dare not to get married for fear of their family cutting them off. In some religions people see the blessing of God on their lives through the opportunity to get married. The Bible assumes marriages from the very beginning. It assumes that the reader understands that God married Adam and Eve in the Garden which became the earthly precedent for all marriages throughout time to come. Marriage is the legal standing between a man and a woman recognised and accepted by a community or society that allows there to be a sexual relationship. Therefore from culture to culture the concept of marriage will change, but the divine plan will remain the same: one man for one woman for life.
THE ORIGINS OF MARRIAGE
Every culture throughout the world has some form of marriage right. Yet strangely enough there appears to be no explanations as to how they got there. The Bible shows us that marriage is in every culture in every period of time because it was there at the beginning of human time. As the story of mankind unfolds through the Bible, it shares with the reader all aspects of human life- including marriage.
1. Which one of the following cultures does the Bible predominantly describe (including its marriage procedures) ?
a) The Arabs.
b) The Canaanites.
c) The Hebrews.
d) The Samaritans.
2. What word contained in these verses suggests that Adam and Eve were married by God? Gen.2:24, 25; 3:17
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This word occurs 677 times in the Old Testament either translated wife or woman. From the beginning it was made clear that there were certain roles within marriage which distinguish the husband from the wife. The word marry carries the meaning of "be lord over" (Hebrew= ba'al ) which is used for men, and the meaning of "submit to" (Hebrew= beulah ) for the woman. It was a focal point of Hebrew culture. In fact, of the three great events in a person's life- birth, marriage, and death, marriage was considered to be the most important event. A Jewish male was required to give an explanation or an apology if he hadn't married. "Any Jew who has not a wife is no man" (Talmud).
It would not be fair to say that the Hebrews had the ideal ceremony of marriage. This is because marriage did not originate with them. What the Bible gives is a description of their adaptation to the divine plan of marriage. Therefore we can not rightly say that the way the Hebrews celebrated or conducted the marriage ceremony is the God-given way. But what we can say with certainty is that God has decreed marriage for all cultures as a life-time commitment to each other, and together, with God.
3. Why can't we say that the way the Hebrews got married is the way we should get married today? (Revise the above paragraph)
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THE BETROTHAL
"And what man is there who is betrothed to a woman and has not married her? Let him go and return to his house, lest he die in battle and another man marry her."
Dt. 20:7
The betrothal came after the parents had arranged the marriage and settled the dowries to the parents of the bride. It becomes difficult for us to think of marriage in another culture without thinking automatically of our own. We simply have an engagement period followed by a wedding ceremony. In the ancient culture of the Orientals (this includes the Hebrews) they had basically three phases, although its difficult to get any definite format with the available material we have today. The first phase would be the parents coming together and arranging the marriage of their child to the child of other parents. The bridegroom's parents would haggle away with the bride's parents to negotiate the best price for her (dowry). It might be many years before the bridegroom and bride actually came together. Marriage was expected to take place when they were mature enough to do so.
4. What examples of paying a dowry do we have in the Old Testament book of Genesis? (One instance involved the bridegroom dealing directly with the parents of the bride)
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The second phase was the actual betrothal. This was a ceremony where the parties would come before witnesses to hear the terms of the contract be announced. In front of those witnesses the parties would accept the terms. Then God's blessing would be asked for. This ceremony officially meant the end of any haggling between parents despite the possibility that it might be months or even years before the union eventuated.
5. In Deuteronomy 22:23-24 there is the law for unfaithfulness outlined. Although the woman is described as being betrothed to a man, how does verse 24 describe her? and what does this tell us about the betrothal commitment?
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THE CEREMONY
It was apparently unusual for there to be a wedding ceremony after the betrothal feast. The most common occurrence appears to be that when the dowry was paid, the bridegroom would be escorted to the bride's tent where they would then consummate the marriage. By the New Testament we see a development among the Hebrews of their wedding formalities.
6. What was Christ doing in John 2:1-2?
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From the time of Mary conceiving Christ, where Joseph had in mind to divorce her quietly even though they were only betrothed, marriage developed to a separate feast apart from betrothal. At the celebrations in Jn. 2 we note that there was a "master of the feast" (vs.8). This indicates that their ceremonial feasts had started to have some formalised order.
7. From Jn. 3:29 what else appears to have developed with the marriage celebrations?
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Wedding ceremonies became marked by the wearing of special garments. The parties involved wore special garments to signify their involvement, while the guests were also expected to wear appropriate garments reflecting the importance of the situation (Mtt.22:3, 12). The Hebrews were accustomed to wearing clothing for different occasions. For example, the High Priest had to wear exactly the right clothing as prescribed by God (Ex. 28:3).In the parable of Matthew 22 Christ shows how outrageous it would be if someone turned up at a wedding put on by a King if that guest had not dressed appropriately. It was a grave insult to the parties involved and the King who was paying for the wedding. Likewise we Christians are invited to a wedding put on by God. We must wear exactly what He tells us to put on (Rom. 13:14; Rev. 3:4; 16:15).
MARRIAGE IS MONOGAMY
Our definition of marriage stated that it was the state of union between a man and a woman, culturally accepted and recognised by their society where a sexual relationship was legitimate. This has long been the understanding among people from different times and different cultures as the standard for marriage. In our culture, if a man and woman choose to get married, they must lodge for a marriage licence (or certificate) with the government, wait at least twenty eight days, then have a recognised marriage celebrant (either religious or not, who acts on behalf of the government in either case), perform the terms of the agreed contract with witnesses present to sign legal documents verifying the contracts. The bride and groom also sign the documents which includes the official register required by the government.
But in other cultures the arrangements are totally different. In the Old Testament there were variations of marriage according to their culture. Perhaps the most striking was the right of a man to take many wives (polygamy). This had become culturally accepted.
8. Who was the first man to take more than one wife in the Bible? (Gen.4:19)
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When God gave the Law to Israel it included rules for controlling polygamy (Ex.21:10; Dt. 21:15). Yet polygamy was never God's ideal for marriage. From the very beginning when He created Adam and Eve, He spoke of man having just one wife. This also applies to the acceptance of divorce in the Old Testament. It was never God's standard. Divorce also was regulated in much the same way polygamy was.
9. Why did Jesus say that Moses gave laws regarding these things? (Mtt.19:8)
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Throughout the Bible God highlights two truths about marriage-
[1] Monogamous (one wife) marriages were characterised by peace, harmony and blessing. Eg. Joseph (Gen. 41:50); NB. 2Ki. 4; Ps. 128; Prov. 31;
[2] Polygamous marriages were characterised by strife, jealousies, bitterness, trouble and sin. Eg. Abraham- Gen. 21; Gideon- Jdg. 8:29-9:57; David- 2Sam. 11; 13; Solomon- 1Kings 11:1-8
10. What were kings warned against and why? (Dt. 17:17)
SIGNIFICANCE OF MARRIAGE
In the Old Testament God likens His relationship to His people as that of a marriage. In the Book of Hosea He shows the pain He feels when His people are unfaithful to Him. Jesus often drew parables from marriage to illustrate His point about being in right relationship with God. The apostle Paul allegorised the church to that of a bride for Christ. The Book of Revelation describes a wedding as the union between Christ and the Church.
Marriage does the following-
[i] It legally binds a man and woman together for life. Hence, in the Christian marriage the words "till death do us part " convey the enormity of the commitment two people make. Marriage is the highest form of commitment between two people. It is a covenant designed to endure until death.
[ii] It binds a man and woman together spiritually through the act of marriage. The Bible says that when a man and woman come together in a sexual relationship they become "one flesh" (1Cor. 6:16). Something takes place deep within the spirit of a man and woman when they are joined together in this way.
[iii] It gives a man and woman the legal right to have children. God has designed for children to be born in the most secure environment of love and peace. This takes place when a man and woman are firmly committed to each other in love. Their love flows first from their will, not from their emotions.
[iv] It gives a man and woman the responsibility of training future parents. People tend to do best when they've watched how it should be done. A sheep dog's only training for its pup, is to have that pup watch its mum or dad do the work of sheep dog. Eventually they became as good as their parents at being a sheep dog, merely from observing how their parents did it. Kids grow to become good parents when they themselves have had good parenting.
Marriage and its benefits are a picture of what God has enjoyed from all eternity. He has always lived in an environment of peace and harmony with the Son and the Spirit. Each member of the Godhead has relished in the intimacy and union they have had with each other. For a person to step out of the God given boundaries of marriage is either fornication or adultery. For those who have come to know Christ after having broken His laws, there is available to you forgiveness and cleansing from the stain of this sin through the Cross of Christ (1Jn. 1:8-9). Marriage need not be a marathon to be endured and tolerated. It is designed as a union of bliss and joy between two people that should last a life-time.
Amen.